Write

by black templar

Published February 5, 2006

I try to write and i may succeed.
I really try and thats one good deed.
What makes it better is if you read.
Your mind is refreshed like a new seed.

Comments & reviews · 4
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backgroundbob
Comment
backgroundbob commented Comment · Feb 5, 2006

...

then what is this for?

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black templar
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black templar commented Comment · Feb 5, 2006

im not a poet anyway

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backgroundbob
Review
backgroundbob wrote a review Review · Feb 5, 2006

Nope, I don't like it - there's nothing to it. Firstly, it's all basic rhymes: it seems forced and ultimately child-like when you rhyme every line with obvious choices. Then, your grammar is all over the place - you've put a full-stop at the end of every line, when that doesn't fit very well. Line three, especially, isn't even a proper sentance without the next half, but you've end-stopped it.

Your lines are cliches: 'new seed' is so overused it's painful, and 'good deed' is about the same. You need to come up with something that isn't this, basically. Find something new to write about, and read professional poetry to find out how structure, form, grammar and punctuation ought to work. You need to improve all areas of your writing.



Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
— Groucho Marx